written by Nicole Hasseldine

Our daughter Isla was born on the 01.02.2016. After a normal and uncomplicated pregnancy I went into natural labour at 38 weeks and until the last few minutes everything was perfectly alright. Unfortunately Isla was born with a true knot in her cord which resulted in reduced oxygen flow during the birthing process leaving her fighting for life as soon as she was delivered. She was stabilised and transferred to another hospital, but after 24 hours of observation and testing she was found to be severely brain damaged and made palliative. We spent 6 days with her in NICU before we said our final goodbyes and I watched her die in my husband’s arms. Our world had shattered.

I can say from the bottom of my heart that we received exceptional multidisciplinary care, support and guidance during our hospital stay and I truly believe this is why we processed the trauma of the events and progressed through our grief journey as well as we did.

I have learned that this is not a given.

After I started seeing life in colour again, I began visiting hospitals to give donations of memory forming items we had found helpful when we were with Isla in hospital. It quickly became apparent how services provided to bereaved families and resources available to staff in hospitals differed greatly. The staff I talked to felt a variety of emotions towards looking after bereaved families acknowledging that this is a very challenging part of their work. I wanted to help them feel more informed, offer resources and provide tools which any provider who is caring for bereaved families can use.

I went on to conduct thorough literature reviews, surveyed bereaved families on their experiences in hospital, undertook a Certificate IV in Bereavement Support, Certificate IV in Training and Assessment, trained as a Peer Supporter with Red Nose, and attended many courses and Meetup groups on the topic. Furthermore, being a member of the Red Nose National Scientific Advisory Group keeps me abreast of the latest research and allows me to represent bereaved parents in Red Nose’s decision making.

On my journey since October 2017 I have

• Delivered over 120 talks to more than 1600 maternity staff and students
• Developed a resource folder for heath professionals supporting bereaved families
• Started a private Facebook NETWORK group for providers
• Developed online training packaged covering a variety of bereavement topics
• Surveyed hundreds of front-line staff to understand their challenges and current practices

In 2021 I was acknowledged through the Sir John Monash Awards for Inspirational Female Leadership.

Every letter of our daughter’s name stands for what this service is all about.

At ISLA grief & loss we Inform and Support you by being a Leader and an Advocate for the grief and loss space in maternity.